Monday, December 5, 2016

This Crazy, Mixed-Up, Topsy-Turvy Life

Where to even begin???  So much has happened in the two years (YIKES!) since my last post.  However, the one thing that I have definitely learned is that God loves us, even in the middle of chaos, in the middle of a mess, in the middle of perfect peace.

In the last two years, my marriage has ended, my oldest has graduated from high school and started college, my youngest has become an independent thinker, doer and planner.  My job has changed from elementary to high school (totally opposite ends of the spectrum most days, but sometimes absolutely the same).

Mostly, I've been left with so many questions - Lots of whys, what nexts, how much more, and do I have tos!  It has been a place and time of confusion, turmoil, despair and sadness, but it has had long moments of joy, peace, and happiness.

It's been difficult to find who I am again.  I'm still a mom, my favorite job title in the whole world.  Now, I'm no longer a wife.  That's been the most difficult transition.  For more than half of my life, a portion of my identity resided in that fact.  It was not a choice I would have ever imagined for myself.  Marriage is supposed to be till death do you part, but it also takes two people who are working together to accomplish this goal.  When that isn't happening, it is the death of a marriage.  It has been a deep valley, but not one that has been an abyss.  I have seen such beauty and provision, that I don't question that the Lord is My shepherd, that He walks with me and talks with me and provides such sustaining beauty.  I am thankful now, for this journey.  It is not a path I had chosen for myself, but I have learned many things along the way.

I have also learned that my happiness is not dependent on the people around me.  I can find happiness by myself.  I love seeing my loved ones happy, but my personal feelings do not depend on their happiness.