Where to even begin??? So much has happened in the two years (YIKES!) since my last post. However, the one thing that I have definitely learned is that God loves us, even in the middle of chaos, in the middle of a mess, in the middle of perfect peace.
In the last two years, my marriage has ended, my oldest has graduated from high school and started college, my youngest has become an independent thinker, doer and planner. My job has changed from elementary to high school (totally opposite ends of the spectrum most days, but sometimes absolutely the same).
Mostly, I've been left with so many questions - Lots of whys, what nexts, how much more, and do I have tos! It has been a place and time of confusion, turmoil, despair and sadness, but it has had long moments of joy, peace, and happiness.
It's been difficult to find who I am again. I'm still a mom, my favorite job title in the whole world. Now, I'm no longer a wife. That's been the most difficult transition. For more than half of my life, a portion of my identity resided in that fact. It was not a choice I would have ever imagined for myself. Marriage is supposed to be till death do you part, but it also takes two people who are working together to accomplish this goal. When that isn't happening, it is the death of a marriage. It has been a deep valley, but not one that has been an abyss. I have seen such beauty and provision, that I don't question that the Lord is My shepherd, that He walks with me and talks with me and provides such sustaining beauty. I am thankful now, for this journey. It is not a path I had chosen for myself, but I have learned many things along the way.
I have also learned that my happiness is not dependent on the people around me. I can find happiness by myself. I love seeing my loved ones happy, but my personal feelings do not depend on their happiness.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Monday, September 15, 2014
Lessons from the Lawn mower
I've been mowing the grass recently. It has become a task that I don't mind, although I know there are many other things that I should be doing. I have to admit that it really is something that brings me some measure of comfort. My dad LOVED to mow the grass. He even has one of the zero turn mowers. I know it's really a blessing to have such a machine, but there are times that it terrifies me. I mean, give me a push mower. I can operate one of those babies in a hearbeat - pull the cord for power, push to mow the grass. It doesn't get much easier. On this beast of a machine you have choke levers, brakes, adjustable mowing decks and NO steering wheel - just two levers to push and pull. I am not super confident on this machine. I am capable, but I am sure there is more to learn.
It is while I am mowing that my thoughts drift to my dad. He's the one who taught me to use a push mower when I was probably around 10 or 11. We didn't have much of a yard, just a small patch in the front, a small strip (mower wide) on the side and a back. It was a task that didn't take long to accomplish. Nothing fancy, just practical straight lines.
Thinking of my dad is both wonderful and painful. Wonderful in that I have fantastic memories; painful in that I miss him so very much. So, while I'm mowing, for that brief period of time, I'm connected to him. I can see him mowing, I can hear his voice. I can take pride in a job well done. I can appreciate the man that he was.
When I think of daddy, it's easy for me to shift and think of my Heavenly Father. My daddy was an awesome dad and made it so easy for me to follow God, my heavenly Father. So while I mow, I get lessons from my Dad.
Nothing drives me crazier than seeing one lone stalk of grass (or weeds or whatever is growing in the yard) standing there after the mower has gone by. I am a fairly patient mower. Remember, this beast of a machine is a bit intimidating. I don't go super fast, but I'm not patient enough to go really slow either. So, in my thinking, if my mower has gone over it, it should be mowed down - no questions. So there I am, mowing away and there is a stalk here, a stalk there. When I see these stubborn pieces, it just aggravates me. Back over it with the mower. Most times, it just requires that extra pass of the mower, but occasionally, it will take a bit more. Again, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! After a few instances of this, I was exasperated. I mean, what is it going to take to show the lawn that I am the master??? I am driving a machine that cuts down grass!! Grass - you need to be cut down already!!!
That's when it happened. In my heart, I heard, "That's just the way it is, my daughter. Stubbornness doesn't just go away. You have to work at it." Excuse me? "When you think you have dealt with a problem, it may appear to go away. Sometimes, it just remains and in our hurry and "busy-ness" we miss it. After time, we may check over things and there it is - still standing and needing to be dealt with again."
Oh, Lord...how I needed that. Our faults, our failings - we may think that we have sufficiently "dealt" with our issues, but it isn't until we give it to God that those things are handled properly. The root is still there, and it often has deep roots that give it strength to withstand what we feel should destroy it. Sin is sin; it has no desire to go away or change. It needs to be taken care of (dealt with) by a Master. If not, it will show up, over and over.
"My daughter, just be patient. You see there is a problem. You have tried to handle it by your own methods. They don't seem to work and you know why. You need to admit that it is bigger than you (even if it just looks like a blade of grass). Let me take care of, pull it out by the roots, sharpen your blade. My precious child, there are so many things that I desire to handle for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness."
Over and over,God just reminded me that He could handle all of my faults. He could make beauty where it just seemed to be unruly and difficult. He could make the "lawn of my life" perfect - no stray blades/weeds; just smooth, lovely lawn.
I am sure the neighbors and anyone driving by thought there was something wrong as I mowed the lawn with tears streaming down my face. How the Lord so gently loves me in spite of myself. He didn't have to beat me over the head with a big stick. He just used those simple little stalks to bring such wonderful truth into my heart.
Now, when I see that one missed stalk, I stop and think about that lesson and check my heart. Lord, help me to see what it is that needs to be dealt with. Give me the strength to deal with it open and honestly and allow You to deal with what's going on. Thank you, Lord - for Your grace and Your mercy. Thank you for those stray blades.
It is while I am mowing that my thoughts drift to my dad. He's the one who taught me to use a push mower when I was probably around 10 or 11. We didn't have much of a yard, just a small patch in the front, a small strip (mower wide) on the side and a back. It was a task that didn't take long to accomplish. Nothing fancy, just practical straight lines.
Thinking of my dad is both wonderful and painful. Wonderful in that I have fantastic memories; painful in that I miss him so very much. So, while I'm mowing, for that brief period of time, I'm connected to him. I can see him mowing, I can hear his voice. I can take pride in a job well done. I can appreciate the man that he was.
When I think of daddy, it's easy for me to shift and think of my Heavenly Father. My daddy was an awesome dad and made it so easy for me to follow God, my heavenly Father. So while I mow, I get lessons from my Dad.
Nothing drives me crazier than seeing one lone stalk of grass (or weeds or whatever is growing in the yard) standing there after the mower has gone by. I am a fairly patient mower. Remember, this beast of a machine is a bit intimidating. I don't go super fast, but I'm not patient enough to go really slow either. So, in my thinking, if my mower has gone over it, it should be mowed down - no questions. So there I am, mowing away and there is a stalk here, a stalk there. When I see these stubborn pieces, it just aggravates me. Back over it with the mower. Most times, it just requires that extra pass of the mower, but occasionally, it will take a bit more. Again, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! After a few instances of this, I was exasperated. I mean, what is it going to take to show the lawn that I am the master??? I am driving a machine that cuts down grass!! Grass - you need to be cut down already!!!
That's when it happened. In my heart, I heard, "That's just the way it is, my daughter. Stubbornness doesn't just go away. You have to work at it." Excuse me? "When you think you have dealt with a problem, it may appear to go away. Sometimes, it just remains and in our hurry and "busy-ness" we miss it. After time, we may check over things and there it is - still standing and needing to be dealt with again."
Oh, Lord...how I needed that. Our faults, our failings - we may think that we have sufficiently "dealt" with our issues, but it isn't until we give it to God that those things are handled properly. The root is still there, and it often has deep roots that give it strength to withstand what we feel should destroy it. Sin is sin; it has no desire to go away or change. It needs to be taken care of (dealt with) by a Master. If not, it will show up, over and over.
"My daughter, just be patient. You see there is a problem. You have tried to handle it by your own methods. They don't seem to work and you know why. You need to admit that it is bigger than you (even if it just looks like a blade of grass). Let me take care of, pull it out by the roots, sharpen your blade. My precious child, there are so many things that I desire to handle for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness."
Over and over,God just reminded me that He could handle all of my faults. He could make beauty where it just seemed to be unruly and difficult. He could make the "lawn of my life" perfect - no stray blades/weeds; just smooth, lovely lawn.
I am sure the neighbors and anyone driving by thought there was something wrong as I mowed the lawn with tears streaming down my face. How the Lord so gently loves me in spite of myself. He didn't have to beat me over the head with a big stick. He just used those simple little stalks to bring such wonderful truth into my heart.
Now, when I see that one missed stalk, I stop and think about that lesson and check my heart. Lord, help me to see what it is that needs to be dealt with. Give me the strength to deal with it open and honestly and allow You to deal with what's going on. Thank you, Lord - for Your grace and Your mercy. Thank you for those stray blades.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Keep Teaching Me
What love the Father has lavished on us, so we could be called His children! Lyrics from a song by Matthew West (I know, it comes from other places as well, but for the moment, this is where I'm hearing it). The song is called Hello, My Name is . It's an incredibly powerful song and the lyrics I keep hearing are in the bridge section. If you didn't know, yes, I am a musician, particularly a music teacher. Music speaks to me, it is a language to me as much as English. So, when I'm looking at lyrics, it's occasionally like reading a letter or book. So, the song starts out with things that we deal with - regret, defeat - both common to our daily life. We encounter both of these sometimes daily. It is our response to them that dictates our feelings and thoughts. It is when we can respond - with authority and confidence - that "I am a child of the one true king" that regret and defeat have no place in our lives. While this is encouraging, it is that bridge - the things that bring us from one place to another - that is different. It repeats itself - not because there aren't any other words, but that our minds need to hear it, over and over, before we begin to believe it. "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" I John 3:1a.
I have been learning new and different things over the past year in particular (well maybe 2 years). My relationship with God the Father has always been an easy one - I had a great example of a father in my dad. Approaching God is not all that different from that. I could go to my dad with anything and have confidence that he would be able to fix it or give me Godly, sound advice. I didn't ever question it. I was convinced (and still am) that the Lord in Heaven spoke to my dad. So, having God as my Heavenly Father was easy. Now as an adult, I have many friends that didn't have that same relationship with their dad. (A realization that breaks my heart). They struggle in their relationship - how/why would God love them; I can't do enough to make God happy - all things that really are untruths; things about a relationship with God that keep them from really experiencing all that God has for them. As a parent, I begin to understand what kind of love God has for us. I LOVE my kids - would do anything within my power to make their world better. My love for my kids is NOTHING is comparison with God's love for me -His child.
So, for now, I'll just keep hearing about the incredibly awesome, wonderfully comforting, unbelievably humbling thought that God - creator of the universe, all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present - wants to lavish love on me. That being said, He wants the same for you.
I have been learning new and different things over the past year in particular (well maybe 2 years). My relationship with God the Father has always been an easy one - I had a great example of a father in my dad. Approaching God is not all that different from that. I could go to my dad with anything and have confidence that he would be able to fix it or give me Godly, sound advice. I didn't ever question it. I was convinced (and still am) that the Lord in Heaven spoke to my dad. So, having God as my Heavenly Father was easy. Now as an adult, I have many friends that didn't have that same relationship with their dad. (A realization that breaks my heart). They struggle in their relationship - how/why would God love them; I can't do enough to make God happy - all things that really are untruths; things about a relationship with God that keep them from really experiencing all that God has for them. As a parent, I begin to understand what kind of love God has for us. I LOVE my kids - would do anything within my power to make their world better. My love for my kids is NOTHING is comparison with God's love for me -His child.
So, for now, I'll just keep hearing about the incredibly awesome, wonderfully comforting, unbelievably humbling thought that God - creator of the universe, all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present - wants to lavish love on me. That being said, He wants the same for you.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Lessons I'm learning - Part Two
Well, when I started thinking about the lessons I've been learning, I'm incredibly blessed. Though parts of this journey aren't what I would have asked for, I have been able to see God's Hand through the journey.
Right before Labor Day weekend last year, my dad had to go the hospital. He ended up with a "textbook presentation of Sciatica". It was quite painful for him and we didn't think we were going to be able to make it to the family reunion in Illinois. Daddy was determined to get there, so off we went - two vehicles, 4 adults and 3 children. We made frequent stops so Daddy could move his leg and stretch some. Now, my daddy has one of the highest pain tolerances I have ever seen. So I knew that if he was hurting, it was pretty severe. My son and my nephew were so good with their grandpa - pushing his wheelchair to the bathrooms, carrying the walker, making sure he was o.k. We made it to the reunion, only to find out that my uncle Ricky was admitted to the hospital once again. Daddy wouldn't be able to see him after all. I can still see the sad look on his face when he found out. It broke my heart.
Well, the day of the reunion was beautiful and clear. I had asked Matthew to bring all of his Nerf guns. I thought it would be cool to see all the Riddle guys in a mock battle. It was truly a highlight of the event. They were all laughing and having such fun. One of my cousins posted it in a video, but I don't have the link. I'll have to add it later. Chrissy and I took turns pushing Daddy's wheelchair up to the bathrooms during the whole day. When it was time for lunch, Daddy was asked to pray for the food. While he prayed, he broke down, crying. I should have known then that something wasn't right. It was a bit out of character for my daddy. It was a good day.
Before we left, one uncle commented to me that Chrissy and I took such good care of daddy and mom. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. My parents have done so much for me, how could I do anything less than return whatever favor I could.
The journey home was not how we had planned. Daddy fell at the hotel that night. Mom ended up calling the ambulance the next morning. It was definitely a challenge. My sister and mom went with my dad while I tried to keep the kids busy. After breakfast, I had to tell the kids that grandpa had to make a trip to the hospital. We hung out at the hotel, the kids went swimming and eventually Daddy left the hospital. The drive home was not the easiest. The doctors thought Daddy had bruised several stomach muscles when he fell (on his walker). They gave him some pain medicine and he was eager to get on the road and get home.
The drive home felt like a forever trip. When we got to mom and daddy's house, Daddy ended up having to go back to the hospital. After several hours of waiting with mom and daddy (I had taken my kids to our house, with Rand), they had run several tests, but daddy was still having trouble breathing and was in a great deal of pain. A doctor came in and turned our world upside down. Daddy had a perforated ulcer and needed emergency surgery immediately. The doctor wasn't even sure daddy would survive the surgery. I am thankful that I had decided to stay with mom at the e.r.
I truly don't know what I would have done if the Lord had not been my strength, my strong tower. I prayed with dad and mom, and then again with the doctor. Then, began the waiting game. The surgery took a bit longer than they anticipated, but it was successful. Daddy was kept in ICU after the surgery. Despite the medicine to keep him in a comatose state (because he was on a ventilator), he could open his eyes and respond to our questions.
He was in the ICU from September 5 until September 19. He was in that comatose state the entire time. So many people would ask about him, stopped by to pray with him, cared for my mom, prayed for her and for the whole family. In my heart, I knew that my daddy would be able to walk again; that whatever was going on, the Lord would use it for his glory, would allow my daddy to walk. Daddy had lost a lot, if not most of the feeling in his feet and legs. Several doctors said it was diabetic neuropathy, but I couldn't understand how that could be when his A1C was better than most regular people. On Sept 18, I had stopped by to see daddy before church that evening. When I came in the room, I was checking his feet (which had problems with edema). I was goofing around, tickling his feet and he reacted - it almost seemed like he was laughing. Mom was talking to him, asking if he could feel it. I was so very encouraged. God was working in his body. The next day, the doctors planned to do a tracheotomy - daddy had been on the ventilator for two weeks and they felt it was necessary.
That surgery happened on Monday afternoon. Of course, it took longer that they thought. At visiting hours, they let us in to see him, but told us that he hadn't been cleaned up completely. We could see the blood on the bandages and his neck. Mom was panicked to say the least. I knew that it would look better once they had time to get him situated. Chrissy and I went to band practice that night and stopped by on the way home.
Seeing daddy that night was a complete difference. He was peaceful, looked so much younger and, if you knew my daddy, he was trying to talk (his hands were strapped down, but he was trying to gesture.) We stayed for a little while and went home. Later that night, we got a call from the hospital to return. Daddy was not doing well. My sister and I got there before my mom (we live closer). Waiting seemed like forever. Shortly after mom and John arrived, we were given the news that Daddy had died. They had done all that they could, but were not able to bring him back. They thought it might have been a blood clot to his lungs. We didn't ask for an autopsy.
I had called the brothers and sisters. Then, I had to go home and tell my kids. I think that was the hardest thing I had to do. I know that God has a plan through it all. I may not understand it, I may not like it, but I trust that He works all things together for my good. The most difficult question was from my little girl. She said, "I thought you said God would heal grandpa, that he would be ok." My response, the only one that came to mind, dropped into my heart by God, was "God did heal grandpa, He kept His word. It just wasn't in the way we thought He would work. Grandpa is healed, he has a perfect body and is not in any pain." I still feel that way, even almost a year later. God keeps His promises, my daddy does walk, without pain or a walker. He's just walking in a different place.
So, as one year has almost passed, I still believe in God's faithfulness, I believe He keeps his promises and I have watched and witnessed His amazing grace and mercy. I know that my daddy is reunited with his mom and dad and a few brothers and sisters, including my uncle that was so sick. Uncle Ricky and his family watched daddy's funeral via Skype and he assured my aunt (his sister) that he and God were on speaking terms before he died in January. I know that during the last few years of his life, he was able to connect with his younger siblings (there's a large age range in his family of 9 siblings). I know that his grandchildren brought him incredible happiness and he was proud of his children (who all happen to be certified teachers. Daddy thought education was important). I need to remind myself of that some days, when I miss my daddy. Thankfully, I am fortunate enough to have a Heavenly father who loves me even more than my daddy.
I know that I have a hope in Jesus and that I will see daddy again. Until that day, I need to be sure to spread the news that Jesus loves you so very much.
Right before Labor Day weekend last year, my dad had to go the hospital. He ended up with a "textbook presentation of Sciatica". It was quite painful for him and we didn't think we were going to be able to make it to the family reunion in Illinois. Daddy was determined to get there, so off we went - two vehicles, 4 adults and 3 children. We made frequent stops so Daddy could move his leg and stretch some. Now, my daddy has one of the highest pain tolerances I have ever seen. So I knew that if he was hurting, it was pretty severe. My son and my nephew were so good with their grandpa - pushing his wheelchair to the bathrooms, carrying the walker, making sure he was o.k. We made it to the reunion, only to find out that my uncle Ricky was admitted to the hospital once again. Daddy wouldn't be able to see him after all. I can still see the sad look on his face when he found out. It broke my heart.
Well, the day of the reunion was beautiful and clear. I had asked Matthew to bring all of his Nerf guns. I thought it would be cool to see all the Riddle guys in a mock battle. It was truly a highlight of the event. They were all laughing and having such fun. One of my cousins posted it in a video, but I don't have the link. I'll have to add it later. Chrissy and I took turns pushing Daddy's wheelchair up to the bathrooms during the whole day. When it was time for lunch, Daddy was asked to pray for the food. While he prayed, he broke down, crying. I should have known then that something wasn't right. It was a bit out of character for my daddy. It was a good day.
Before we left, one uncle commented to me that Chrissy and I took such good care of daddy and mom. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. My parents have done so much for me, how could I do anything less than return whatever favor I could.
The journey home was not how we had planned. Daddy fell at the hotel that night. Mom ended up calling the ambulance the next morning. It was definitely a challenge. My sister and mom went with my dad while I tried to keep the kids busy. After breakfast, I had to tell the kids that grandpa had to make a trip to the hospital. We hung out at the hotel, the kids went swimming and eventually Daddy left the hospital. The drive home was not the easiest. The doctors thought Daddy had bruised several stomach muscles when he fell (on his walker). They gave him some pain medicine and he was eager to get on the road and get home.
The drive home felt like a forever trip. When we got to mom and daddy's house, Daddy ended up having to go back to the hospital. After several hours of waiting with mom and daddy (I had taken my kids to our house, with Rand), they had run several tests, but daddy was still having trouble breathing and was in a great deal of pain. A doctor came in and turned our world upside down. Daddy had a perforated ulcer and needed emergency surgery immediately. The doctor wasn't even sure daddy would survive the surgery. I am thankful that I had decided to stay with mom at the e.r.
I truly don't know what I would have done if the Lord had not been my strength, my strong tower. I prayed with dad and mom, and then again with the doctor. Then, began the waiting game. The surgery took a bit longer than they anticipated, but it was successful. Daddy was kept in ICU after the surgery. Despite the medicine to keep him in a comatose state (because he was on a ventilator), he could open his eyes and respond to our questions.
He was in the ICU from September 5 until September 19. He was in that comatose state the entire time. So many people would ask about him, stopped by to pray with him, cared for my mom, prayed for her and for the whole family. In my heart, I knew that my daddy would be able to walk again; that whatever was going on, the Lord would use it for his glory, would allow my daddy to walk. Daddy had lost a lot, if not most of the feeling in his feet and legs. Several doctors said it was diabetic neuropathy, but I couldn't understand how that could be when his A1C was better than most regular people. On Sept 18, I had stopped by to see daddy before church that evening. When I came in the room, I was checking his feet (which had problems with edema). I was goofing around, tickling his feet and he reacted - it almost seemed like he was laughing. Mom was talking to him, asking if he could feel it. I was so very encouraged. God was working in his body. The next day, the doctors planned to do a tracheotomy - daddy had been on the ventilator for two weeks and they felt it was necessary.
That surgery happened on Monday afternoon. Of course, it took longer that they thought. At visiting hours, they let us in to see him, but told us that he hadn't been cleaned up completely. We could see the blood on the bandages and his neck. Mom was panicked to say the least. I knew that it would look better once they had time to get him situated. Chrissy and I went to band practice that night and stopped by on the way home.
Seeing daddy that night was a complete difference. He was peaceful, looked so much younger and, if you knew my daddy, he was trying to talk (his hands were strapped down, but he was trying to gesture.) We stayed for a little while and went home. Later that night, we got a call from the hospital to return. Daddy was not doing well. My sister and I got there before my mom (we live closer). Waiting seemed like forever. Shortly after mom and John arrived, we were given the news that Daddy had died. They had done all that they could, but were not able to bring him back. They thought it might have been a blood clot to his lungs. We didn't ask for an autopsy.
I had called the brothers and sisters. Then, I had to go home and tell my kids. I think that was the hardest thing I had to do. I know that God has a plan through it all. I may not understand it, I may not like it, but I trust that He works all things together for my good. The most difficult question was from my little girl. She said, "I thought you said God would heal grandpa, that he would be ok." My response, the only one that came to mind, dropped into my heart by God, was "God did heal grandpa, He kept His word. It just wasn't in the way we thought He would work. Grandpa is healed, he has a perfect body and is not in any pain." I still feel that way, even almost a year later. God keeps His promises, my daddy does walk, without pain or a walker. He's just walking in a different place.
So, as one year has almost passed, I still believe in God's faithfulness, I believe He keeps his promises and I have watched and witnessed His amazing grace and mercy. I know that my daddy is reunited with his mom and dad and a few brothers and sisters, including my uncle that was so sick. Uncle Ricky and his family watched daddy's funeral via Skype and he assured my aunt (his sister) that he and God were on speaking terms before he died in January. I know that during the last few years of his life, he was able to connect with his younger siblings (there's a large age range in his family of 9 siblings). I know that his grandchildren brought him incredible happiness and he was proud of his children (who all happen to be certified teachers. Daddy thought education was important). I need to remind myself of that some days, when I miss my daddy. Thankfully, I am fortunate enough to have a Heavenly father who loves me even more than my daddy.
I know that I have a hope in Jesus and that I will see daddy again. Until that day, I need to be sure to spread the news that Jesus loves you so very much.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Take a deep breath
Happy July!! It's one of those strange things for me as a teacher. I love July - I got married in this month, the 4th of July celebrations and fireworks, the patriotism - can't help it, I love July!! However, it marks the halfway point of summer - time to start getting things ready for school, visit my classroom, go to meetings, straighten, plan, organize, which then leads to organizing at home and by the time I realize it - July is GONE!! School starts early in Tennessee. I think we are officially starting by the 10th of August (which always make me want year-round school. I mean, we're practically there anyway....I digress). School-wide meetings start the first week of August (of course, they're mandatory) HO-HUM!! Although, there are those RARE occasions when the speaker actually is relevant to my teaching area (YIPPEE). I have to admit that I am kind of looking forward to school. (I know, weird, huh?) It's all because of PINTREST!! There are some really remarkable things out there. I've seen some ideas that have improved things that I was already doing, ways to incorporate more things into my lessons. I teach in a small, rural county. There aren't many music teachers, so a music inservice doesn't happen. I'm just there, doing the best I can, hoping that what I do makes a difference.
Well, until August arrives, I should stay in July. This summer has been a great time of relaxing (or is it just laziness???) I had spinal surgery at the end of May, so I've been quite limited on what I can do. My kiddos have been so sweet - but it can get frustrating. There's been no driving, no lifting, often too much sleeping and a crazy schedule of my day. I know I'm healing, I know I'm a walking miracle, but I feel impatient sometimes. Hopefully, I can reverse my thinking and organize my home before my classroom. Who knows? Maybe I'll get it all done.
I plan what I want to do each day - in between naps, but this body doesn't always agree with the schedule. So, I just need to take it a day at a time. Today - laundry, dishes and pantry organization are on the agenda. Who knows? I might even get to tackle the bathroom.
I am blessed, I am forgiven, I am redeemed. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister. I have a job that I enjoy, friends that I love and care for (and they love me back). What more do I need? God is good, His favor is on me, I'm just a great big blessed mess and so grateful for it.
Here's to meeting today's goals!!
Well, until August arrives, I should stay in July. This summer has been a great time of relaxing (or is it just laziness???) I had spinal surgery at the end of May, so I've been quite limited on what I can do. My kiddos have been so sweet - but it can get frustrating. There's been no driving, no lifting, often too much sleeping and a crazy schedule of my day. I know I'm healing, I know I'm a walking miracle, but I feel impatient sometimes. Hopefully, I can reverse my thinking and organize my home before my classroom. Who knows? Maybe I'll get it all done.
I plan what I want to do each day - in between naps, but this body doesn't always agree with the schedule. So, I just need to take it a day at a time. Today - laundry, dishes and pantry organization are on the agenda. Who knows? I might even get to tackle the bathroom.
I am blessed, I am forgiven, I am redeemed. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister. I have a job that I enjoy, friends that I love and care for (and they love me back). What more do I need? God is good, His favor is on me, I'm just a great big blessed mess and so grateful for it.
Here's to meeting today's goals!!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Lessons I'm learning
This has been an interesting year - not necessarily the calendar year, but from last June until this June. The things I have learned have not all been by choice. I am firm believer in life long learning - that our minds need the challenge of learning new things or new skills every day; that our brains desire to learn and grow, but it does get more difficult. That being said, some of the lessons have been more difficult than I could have ever imagined.
Last Easter, I noticed that a few fingers on my left hand tended to be "asleep", you know that weird feeling of sand in your extremities or the more painful pins and needles feeling. It wasn't too bothersome, so I just thought I'd slept on my arm funny. Problem was, it didn't altogether go away. It switched the next week to other finger on my left hand. It continued to do that off and on over the summer. In the past I had problems with my left shoulder and I knew that I had been sleeping on that shoulder. I just tried to let it resolve itself.
When Labor Day weekend approached, it was time for the Riddle family reunion. It has been held on Labor Day weekend since 1994, after my dad's dad - Papa - died. My daddy had a large family - 9 children in all. So, getting together is a huge undertaking. It's always fun and I admit, I've had to miss a few. This time, it seemed to be the most difficult. Daddy's youngest brother was sicker than ever this year. Daddy was determined to get to the reunion this time. Days before we were to leave, he had a HUGE attack of sciatica. He was in the ER the day before we left. I didn't think we'd get to go, but Daddy was adamant about getting to the reunion. So, we went even though he was in such pain the entire trip. He was determined to see his brother, Ricky.
....to be continued...
Last Easter, I noticed that a few fingers on my left hand tended to be "asleep", you know that weird feeling of sand in your extremities or the more painful pins and needles feeling. It wasn't too bothersome, so I just thought I'd slept on my arm funny. Problem was, it didn't altogether go away. It switched the next week to other finger on my left hand. It continued to do that off and on over the summer. In the past I had problems with my left shoulder and I knew that I had been sleeping on that shoulder. I just tried to let it resolve itself.
When Labor Day weekend approached, it was time for the Riddle family reunion. It has been held on Labor Day weekend since 1994, after my dad's dad - Papa - died. My daddy had a large family - 9 children in all. So, getting together is a huge undertaking. It's always fun and I admit, I've had to miss a few. This time, it seemed to be the most difficult. Daddy's youngest brother was sicker than ever this year. Daddy was determined to get to the reunion this time. Days before we were to leave, he had a HUGE attack of sciatica. He was in the ER the day before we left. I didn't think we'd get to go, but Daddy was adamant about getting to the reunion. So, we went even though he was in such pain the entire trip. He was determined to see his brother, Ricky.
....to be continued...
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Let's try again...
Goodness, I'm not so good at this blog thing. It's been far too long. So much has happened, so much has been learned. I might try to do better, who knows. I know I has so much that I want to get out, to put my thoughts into print. Hope you'll stay for the journey.
One thing I have learned and want to make sure that I express at every chance - God is good, all the time; all the time, God is good.
One thing I have learned and want to make sure that I express at every chance - God is good, all the time; all the time, God is good.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!! Here it is the start of a brand new year. I am looking forward to all that the Lord has in store for my family this year. Looking back over the last year, I see where I failed (reading list....), where I need improvement (organization at home), and how blessed I truly am (healthy family, fantastic friends, good job....and on and on).
I'm not necessarily making resolutions, they typically don't last. I am striving to do better. I've gotten rid of a lot of unnecessary things and I'm only in the first week of the new year. I've completed reading one book, sorted through clothes and eliminated clothes that don't fit (although there is still more to sort through.), waded through loads of laundry, sifted through tons of filing.
Progress is being made, but some days I feel overwhelmed. The weatherman has gone ahead and said the "s" word - SNOW! Hopefully, he's right and school will be out for a few days. I know my school isn't totally prepared for all of this cold. The heating units are giving up the ghost - I'm not sure if the maintenance department can keep up with the extra tasks involved with keeping the students warm. We'll see......I can still hope for another vacation day.
I need to get back to sorting and filing music. Here's to the start of a beautiful new year! Be blessed, my friends.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Merry Christmas
Goodness, how time flies!!! Here it is, almost Christmas, and I'm still trying to get everything decorated. School is almost out for Christmas Break (only 2.5 more days!!!), but my house is not the least bit ready for Christmas. Looks like Friday will be a BUSY day. I hope to at least get the tree up this weekend. It makes me feel bad that I don't have the stuff up - I mean I realize that Christmas isn't about the tree and decorations - it's what comes from the heart. God gave us the best gift over 2,000 years ago (and some people are still trying to outgive that one, go figure). I enjoy Christmas, but as a musician, it's probably the most hectic time of year for me. I will be completing my last concert this evening. I can't tell you the HUGE sense of relief that is looming LARGE at 6 p.m. Sure there are parties and such to prepare for, but the performance aspects make me lose sleep at night. I surely do not stress over the quality of my party food. However, disappointment from parents if the programs don't go as well as they should is not something I look forward to seeing and nightmares of countless musical mishaps (which never happen) keep me up much too long during the night.
Well, here's to the best holiday season ever - Christmas!!! I wish you the merriest of days. Remember who we celebrate. It's all worth it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Has it been that long???
While wandering the internet, I decided to check my rambling spot. Obviously, I'm not a dedicated blogger. I couldn't believe that I hadn't checked in since March. Time marches by far too quickly. Summer is here, school is out, my computer time is more available. Who knows? Maybe I will really get into this blog thing. I guess we'll see.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Who'da Thunk It?
I had never even considered how progressive my own mother was. Way back when I was young, my mom became a coupon queen. It was so embarrassing to shop with her - she had this 4 inch binder full of coupons, stapled on pieces of paper, sorted by category. She was the only mom I knew that did this. I kinda dreaded going shopping. Then, there was the job of clipping the coupons, checking the book for expireds, filing the new ones. Now here I am - 20+ years later- toting around my own big coupon notebook....heavy sigh....I think I have become my mother after all. (But I don't think I'd admit that to her).
I admit it - I have returned to the land of the coupon clippers. I had been a "member" when my son was born and I was a SAHM. I had time then, not really, but it felt like it. I was really good then. I could save money like a machine. Then, the rest of life just pushed it to the side and I abandoned all of my efforts. Now I'm back at it again. I mean - saving money is a good thing. I've been feeling convicted about being a good steward of the resources God has given me. So, here I am, lugging my trusty notebook to every store on the planet, making some pretty decent deals along the way.
I'm not a guru about this coupon world, but I will admit, it does become sort of treasure hunt to see what deals you can get. I've even gotten to be better friends with people as I am on this journey. It is nice to have someone who understands all of the coupon language and hunts for deals with you. I think it's cool....oh, my mom has returned to her coupon roots as well. Go figure!!
Gotta go get the grocery list completed. Happy Shopping!
I admit it - I have returned to the land of the coupon clippers. I had been a "member" when my son was born and I was a SAHM. I had time then, not really, but it felt like it. I was really good then. I could save money like a machine. Then, the rest of life just pushed it to the side and I abandoned all of my efforts. Now I'm back at it again. I mean - saving money is a good thing. I've been feeling convicted about being a good steward of the resources God has given me. So, here I am, lugging my trusty notebook to every store on the planet, making some pretty decent deals along the way.
I'm not a guru about this coupon world, but I will admit, it does become sort of treasure hunt to see what deals you can get. I've even gotten to be better friends with people as I am on this journey. It is nice to have someone who understands all of the coupon language and hunts for deals with you. I think it's cool....oh, my mom has returned to her coupon roots as well. Go figure!!
Gotta go get the grocery list completed. Happy Shopping!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Head above the water
There are days when I feel like I can barely keep my head above the water. I feel like I'm stuck in a doggie-paddle headed nowhere. It's on days like this that I feel so totally overwhelmed. I find myself wishing for extra time to do all of the things that need to be done. However, when I do get those days, (like snow days - yes, I do teach in a public school), I don't even know where to begin. Oh, sure, I can picture everything that I could accomplish, if given a few extra hours. Then, when those precious hours arrive, I want to do anything but the things that should be done. I hope I'm not alone in this.
I try not to feel this way too often, but it seems to sneak up on me when I least expect it. I do plan for those snow days - moments of time when not too much is required of me. I just wish there would be actual snow on the snow days. It would be easier to excuse my lack of initiative. I would just get out and play in the snow. Everyone can forgive you for living in a snow moment.
It seems that my life gets taken over by the stuff - clutter, more papershuffling at school, the drudgery of daily life. I want to be able to be one of those people that can be spontaneous, yet organized, creative yet not chaotic. I guess I should just start with baby steps and take just one task at a time. That might help. The baby steps for me, though don't always matter to those around me. Sure, they want things neat and tidy, but the family could care less about an organized linen closet or a neat silverware drawer. I guess I need small places to help me get to the bigger places. If I could just keep those small places under control, maybe the larger ones would begin to make more sense. I just need to be able to be consistent and content with the things that I have. I guess the apostle Paul had it right with being content whatever the circumstances. I still have much to learn about contentedness.
I hope that my body can do what my mind thinks it can. If not, I'll be in deep trouble. but then again, I do have the Source to lean on (Phil. 4:13). Thankfully, He doesn't get tired or worn-out. I can't wait to be swimming freely and not just keeping my head above the water. But somedays, it just about the continual motion and not stopping. You are still surviving, even if it's just your head above the water.
I try not to feel this way too often, but it seems to sneak up on me when I least expect it. I do plan for those snow days - moments of time when not too much is required of me. I just wish there would be actual snow on the snow days. It would be easier to excuse my lack of initiative. I would just get out and play in the snow. Everyone can forgive you for living in a snow moment.
It seems that my life gets taken over by the stuff - clutter, more papershuffling at school, the drudgery of daily life. I want to be able to be one of those people that can be spontaneous, yet organized, creative yet not chaotic. I guess I should just start with baby steps and take just one task at a time. That might help. The baby steps for me, though don't always matter to those around me. Sure, they want things neat and tidy, but the family could care less about an organized linen closet or a neat silverware drawer. I guess I need small places to help me get to the bigger places. If I could just keep those small places under control, maybe the larger ones would begin to make more sense. I just need to be able to be consistent and content with the things that I have. I guess the apostle Paul had it right with being content whatever the circumstances. I still have much to learn about contentedness.
I hope that my body can do what my mind thinks it can. If not, I'll be in deep trouble. but then again, I do have the Source to lean on (Phil. 4:13). Thankfully, He doesn't get tired or worn-out. I can't wait to be swimming freely and not just keeping my head above the water. But somedays, it just about the continual motion and not stopping. You are still surviving, even if it's just your head above the water.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Friday Night Crop - Yippee
I can't wait to get my scrapbook stuff out tonight. It's a monthly group meeting and it's tonight!! I wish I could scrap more often, but I don't have the space to keep my stuff out all of the time to work on it for 30 minutes here and 30 minutes there. I am trying to balance all of the different projects that I'm working on. Maybe I'll get more done tonight - being jazzed and ready to go this time.
I try to avoid the baby pictures for now. My kids are 10 and 8 and when I start looking back, I get all sappy, emotional and eventually turn in to a blubbering mess. I'll try to keep it together today. I need to do some soccer and school pages. Maybe that will work. We'll see.
Can't wait to crop!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
100+ reading challenge for 2009
I don't think I've ever kept track of how much I read, but I'll give it a try. My dear sister-in-law has led me down this path. We'll see if I can keep up!! Here are the books that I have read for the 2009 year:
1. Navy Wife by Debbie Macomber
2. In Search of Eden by Linda Nichols (really enjoyed this one - very lovely read)
3.Friday Night Knitting Club - currently reading
4.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Proud Momma Moment
Well, I've now officially become a band parent. My fifth grade son had his first band concert on Friday. It went really well.
My dear son chose to play the same instrument that I play - the clarinet. Needless to say, I was positively thrilled. He had me convinced he might want to be a trumpeter (heaven help me!) or a percussionist (ladies, lock up your daughters!) Now, I'd be able to help him with any kind of trouble he might face with the instrument; I already had one for him to use, so there was no need to rent one; things were looking pretty good. He even seemed to have a predisposition for the instrument - his initial tone production was good, fingers were sturdy. (Remember, I teach music, so I tend to be pretty critical.) However, I was SOOOOOO nervous. I didn't want him to squeak or squeal or any of those other horrible sounds that can come out of a newbie instrument player.
His section stood to play their first song as a group - I was so enthralled, I forgot to take pictures! (Now that's pretty major for a dedicated scrapbooker!) He did really well. I did manage to shoot a bit of a video of the whole group for their final song. I'll have to put it in later.
So, now I have become a band parent. It's not so bad...first soccer mom, now band parent, what could be next? Parent of a teenager - don't think I'm ready for that one yet.
My son and his buddies
Ready to play on the big day!
My dear son chose to play the same instrument that I play - the clarinet. Needless to say, I was positively thrilled. He had me convinced he might want to be a trumpeter (heaven help me!) or a percussionist (ladies, lock up your daughters!) Now, I'd be able to help him with any kind of trouble he might face with the instrument; I already had one for him to use, so there was no need to rent one; things were looking pretty good. He even seemed to have a predisposition for the instrument - his initial tone production was good, fingers were sturdy. (Remember, I teach music, so I tend to be pretty critical.) However, I was SOOOOOO nervous. I didn't want him to squeak or squeal or any of those other horrible sounds that can come out of a newbie instrument player.
His section stood to play their first song as a group - I was so enthralled, I forgot to take pictures! (Now that's pretty major for a dedicated scrapbooker!) He did really well. I did manage to shoot a bit of a video of the whole group for their final song. I'll have to put it in later.
So, now I have become a band parent. It's not so bad...first soccer mom, now band parent, what could be next? Parent of a teenager - don't think I'm ready for that one yet.
My son and his buddies
Ready to play on the big day!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Well, here's my attempt
I'm going to give this blogging thing a try. I'm new to this, so bear with me. The random ramblings of an occasionally frustrated teacher; the brief moments of clarity; the thoughts of one who needs to think a bit more clearly, if only for a moment.
Stay for a while, maybe you can help me be a better me. I know I'm flawed, impatient, rather self-centered, a bit of a know-it-all. However, I think I can be kind and patient, if the situation merits it. But can I help it if sometimes, I might know something? Is that a crime? (please say you feel the humor of it all?)
I guess that's it for now. Today, most of the scraps in my life are just waiting...for what I'm not sure. There's not much that feels too out of line. Just limp and worn out - wanting to be more, but not sure what to do next.
I wonder where this new journey will take me?
Stay for a while, maybe you can help me be a better me. I know I'm flawed, impatient, rather self-centered, a bit of a know-it-all. However, I think I can be kind and patient, if the situation merits it. But can I help it if sometimes, I might know something? Is that a crime? (please say you feel the humor of it all?)
I guess that's it for now. Today, most of the scraps in my life are just waiting...for what I'm not sure. There's not much that feels too out of line. Just limp and worn out - wanting to be more, but not sure what to do next.
I wonder where this new journey will take me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)